God Is With Us in the “And”

For most of my life, I thought I had to pick one.

Either I was strong in my faith or I was struggling. Either I was full of joy or I was grieving. Either I trusted God or I was angry and confused. But real life—and real worship—doesn’t work like that.

As a worship leader, I’ve had Sundays where my heart was in pieces and my mic was still on. I’ve gone from crying in the car to declaring God’s goodness five minutes later.

And I’ve learned: God is in all of it. He is the God of the “and.”

When My Father Died

This became painfully real when my father passed away.

Grief wasn’t an idea anymore; it was heavy and personal. As the Sundays ahead approached, I wrestled hard:

• How am I supposed to lead worship like this?

• Is it wrong to be on stage when I feel this broken?

• Is it wrong not to?

In that tension, I sensed the Holy Spirit whisper:

“Bring me both. I'm with you in the 'and'. You can hurt and rejoice. You can trust Me and be disappointed in Me.”

I didn’t show up on Sundays “strong.” I showed up puffy-eyed, sore-hearted, and fragile. There were moments on stage where tears rose up and I had a choice: shut it down or let God meet me there.

I let Him meet me. And He showed up —in the middle of the tension, not outside of it.

Those days taught me:

• I can mourn my dad and lift my hands to my heavenly Father.

• I can feel the sting of loss and proclaim the hope of resurrection.

• I can be in the valley and still point people to the One who walks with us there.

That is the power of the “and.”

Worship Leaders, You Don’t Have to Pick One

Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up this lie:

“If you’re really hurting, you shouldn’t be leading. If you feel angry or confused, your worship is less real.”

But Scripture doesn’t support that.

David poured out his anguish and declared God’s goodness in the same psalm. Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb and then performed a miracle. In Gethsemane, Jesus said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow” and still surrendered, “Yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

Grief doesn’t cancel worship. Anger doesn’t cancel worship. Questions don’t cancel worship.

They can actually become the place where worship is the most real.

You can be:

• Leading and grieving

• Serving and struggling

• Praising and questioning

You’re not fake for feeling both. You’re human.

He Is the God of Your “And”

If you’re in a season where you feel split in two, hear this:

You are not failing because you’re feeling a lot. You are not less spiritual because you’re grieving, questioning, or exhausted.

God is not asking you to shut off your emotions to serve Him.He’s inviting you to bring your whole, honest heart into His presence.

He is with you:

• In the hospital room and on the platform

• In the panic and in the prayer

• In the heartbreak and in the hallelujah

You don’t have to choose between being a worshipper and being a human.

You are both. And He is faithful in the middle of your “and.”

TAKEAWAY: How to Lead From the “And”

A few simple ways to walk this out:

1. Be honest with God first. Tell Him how you actually feel—sad, numb, angry, confused—and invite Him into it.

2. Let Scripture hold your tension.“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted…” means you can be broken and close to Him.“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” means you can feel overwhelmed and not be alone.

3. Make room for real emotion in worship. A simple moment like, “You can be hurting and still lift your voice today,” gives people permission to breathe.

4. Stop disqualifying yourself internally. You are not less anointed because you cried getting ready for church. You are not disqualified because you’re wrestling with disappointment.

Love y'all!

Anitra